I just returned from the 2011 EMDR International Association Conference. The takeaway for me, after hearing so many brilliant clinicians and scientists present, is just how much memory is at play in our current perceptions.
What does that mean, you ask?
It means that many of the interactions that are fueling our closest and most important relationships are biased by what has already occurred in another time or place in our life. When we are pushed into those “hot zones” and are experiencing just how much our spouse, lover, or partner drives us crazy, it is likely that there is more at play than we readily recognize. It is highly likely that our brain is selecting out certain data, and heavily weighing other information to create a “story” about what is going on; yet, because of how connected our nervous system is, the story, complete with thoughts, emotions, and body sensations, feels so real and true that we are convinced into believing it. It’s like we are interacting with a 3-D movie, and forgetting that it’s just a movie!
With a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), we can slow the movie down, retrieve the original memories, see what’s really going on, and create more effective interactions within the relationship that will help the old memories to eventually lose its grip on our current reality.